For Nanny

Missing my Nanny who moved to assisted living today. Her house is still the place where I grew up, the last remaining tie to my childhood self that I have access to, the rooms where I painted, colored, played games that my cousin and I would make up as we went along; it is the place where I began telling stories, and creating fantasies; where I was enamored with nature in the backyard watching the birds she and my grandfather would always feed peanuts to, leave seed for, or the animals my uncle would catch or tame from snakes to hawks; it is a place of family parties in the summer, of too much coffee cake; it is also the place where I’d get to stay in the softest of beds, stay up late, and be spoiled; it is the place where we’d always return after shopping every day; where there are always holiday decorations for every occasion, sometimes all mixed around the house at once; it is the place of too many televisions turned up too loudly, the place where I can always bring my wash, get a full meal, and watch SNL or Law & Order; the place where gardens and cars and dogs and cats and jokes and questionable politics have always resided. Right now my grandmother is probably confused, upset, feeling alone and afraid…but I hope she knows we are all feeling that too in her absence, and that while everything has changed all of what we remember, feel, and hold keeps us fastened to one another, to a love that is a sum of the past but also an ongoing propulsion into tomorrow. I hope that my grandma enjoys something each new day until it becomes familiar, and is as safe and cared for as she has made sure all of us have been for all these years. ❤

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